Life Change # 1 - Artist or Administrator?

I look back on my life and how I grew up and I see it filled with the arts. As a little girl, I remember singing as loud as I could in the shower, throughout my day, and from any stage that I could find (most often at church).

I remember my first long-awaited piano lesson at the age of nine. I was one of those weird kids who flew through my piano books. When I went through a low point in Junior High when I didn't really want to practice, nor cut my manicured long nails, I begged my piano teacher to not drop me as her student when she threatened. I immediately kicked back "into gear" and started to practice piano with a new fervor.

I was in every Junior High and High School show and concert choir. I sang every week as a part of our church's worship band. I took classical voice lessons starting at age 13 and did every state music competition possible.

I remember the joy of getting my driver's license and realizing I could play and sing my music as loud as I wanted within the confines of my private vehicle. Who cares what the drivers around me thought?

Then, I went to college (or university- as they say in Armenia) and started my Bachelor's degree in music. I practiced like crazy and learned all the theory, sang opera, and played Bach, Chopin, Debussy on the piano. I was in a wonderful choir that toured the world: Singapore, Israel, and...Canada!!!

I loved it and I hated it.

I always felt like I was about to crack under the pressure of always having to perform perfectly and constantly being critiqued in front of my fellow students and professors. And, singing opera wasn't really "me." I even added on a second degree in English because I just was so tired of feeling discouraged by music that I felt I needed a degree is something that was easy for me; something I could be successful in.

By the time I finished my Senior Vocal recital, I felt like I was so tired of music that I just needed a break. Besides all the music I was involved in with my job as a piano/ voice teacher, I took a break.

No music in the car.

No music at home.

No singing or playing piano for personal enjoyment.

Then I arrived in Armenia. We've been here seven years, and the Armenians are very talented musicians. They certainly didn't need me to help them do worship or play piano. I've seen people who have never had one piano lesson in their life play circles around me with their jazz riffs. So, I saw what was needed of me and I stepped up.

I became an Organizer; an Administrator. I've organized the Bible College (university) program for ministers. I've organized all the translation projects: children's ministry curriculum, theological textbooks, and now the HUGE project of the Study Bible. I've organized women's events, kids' camps, leadership training events! I even do all of our accounting for the organization. I am now an official organizer who gets a lot done, but at the end of the day, don't feel much joy from it.

So, after listening to some wisdom of others, I've decided to make a life change, or to bring back a part of my old life: the creative side. At my core, I am a creative person, but I am an oddity in the fact that I'm creative and organized. But, I can't let one side of me LIVE at the cost of the other side DYING. If I look back at my life, it was singing and the arts that truly made me happy.

Life Change # 1: Revive the Artist

Step 1: Make time every day to play piano, sing

Step 2: Learn the Guitar

Step 3: Begin to read more English literature and practice writing (hence, the blog)

Step 4: All future jobs/ commitments will have a heavy emphasis on me being involved in the arts. No more "just organizing!"

I've lost a lot over the last seven years. My voice can't do what it used to do. My fingers can't play with the agility they used to. I'm very humbled when I try to strum even one chord on the guitar. But, it's time to claim my life back and live a life of joy and the life I dreamed of.

I still have to be an Administrator for the next year due to my commitments, but I'm making a change that starts today. A change that proves I have a hope for a different future.

To Blog or Not To Blog

Blogging. I've thought about starting a blog for over a year now. In my list-making head, I've often made a mental list of the pros and cons.

Cons:

• May be narcissisitic to think that other people would really want to hear my thoughts and about my life.
• I don't talk much in real life - how will I ever find enough thoughts, ideas or WORDS to keep a blog going?

Pros:

• Help me create a discipline of writing - something I've always wanted to do since my 4th grade teacher told me I had "writing talent."
• Perhaps my stories and pursuit of balance could inspire others to join me on the journey
• Not too many families get to live and serve overseas. I'd love to share the rich experiences I have with others and document them for myself and kids.
• I can share the story of what God is doing around the world

So, the pros outweighed the cons, and here I am. Today is my last day of summer vacation before diving in to a few non-stop months of work. Today was the day to start blogging. As I was driving home from the gym, I set a mandate for myself: CHANGE.

My husband tells me it is nearly impossible to change after turning 30 years old. Well folks, I am soon-to-be 32 years old, and I have determined that I will not continue to live my life with the same "wish list" of things I would love to change and do. I'm still young enough to make a change and live life differently. So, follow me on my attempt to prove science wrong: change is possible after 30! And, this first blog post is my first attempt, or rather my statement to the world, that this "road less traveled" has begun - not only when I boarded a plane to come live in Armenia seven years ago, but also today! I hope that some of you will join me on this road and become everything you were meant and designed to be.

Get your running shoes on, put your hair up in a ponytail, get ready to work and determine like steel in your soul to follow the delicate road of balance, family, and following your dreams.